I AM THEIR MAMA! An Open Discussion on Adoption & Biracial Ignorance

I don’t know why, but I am always amazed at how ignorant people are when it comes to adoption and what they should and should not say to adoptive parents. I am also equally amazed at how insensitive people are about what people should and should not say about biracial children. The term “mixed” is one of them, that I can’t stand. It may be o.k. for some people, but that term doesn’t sit well with me for some reason. I NEVER tell anyone my kids are mixed. I always say they are biracial. Another one I can’t stand is “oreo”. But these may be my own personal prejudices.

So I was in Walmart today and an African American cashier starts asking me questions about my son Boogy and somehow we got to the question about him being “mixed.” I said yes, he is biracial.

She said “What is he mixed with?”

I said he is  Caucasian (CC) and African American (AA).


She then says is he your only child?

I said no. I have another son.

She then says is he mixed too? I said yes.

She then goes on to say Yeah “they” (referring to CC men) treat you better than AA men.

I said no, race has nothing to do with how well a man does or does not treat you and my kids daddy isn’t CC, their birth mother is.

She then goes on to say “They’re adopted, Why would you take that on? Why Would you do that? You know their mother or something? How long have they been with you? Do they call you mama?”

I said I was a foster parent, they have lived with me 4 yrs and I AM THEIR MAMA what else would they call me?

Mind you all of this was in front of my 6 y/o son……

She then goes on to say, “Oops I am talking right here in front of him. You should have told me to shut up.. He probably doesn’t know you’re not his mama and he’s adopted and all.

I was like I AM HIS MAMA, he knows he’s adopted and adoption is not some big ugly secret to be ashamed of..

She went on to say something else but I walked away because I was getting angry. Now I wanna slap myself for even entertaining her foolishness!

As I was walking away my son saw that I was angry and looked to me and said.  “Ma it’s ok I love you!!!!”

 

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Am I the only adoptive parent or parent of biracial children that this gets to? Does it irk anyone else?

Am I just overreacting?

2 Comments

  1. Dee on July 10, 2011 at 1:00 am

    I am not an adoptive mother at this time but that was very rude and intrusive of her to even approach you like that…being “curious” is one thing but being “nosy” is another….I think you handled things as well as anyone could expect….

  2. jan on September 13, 2011 at 11:00 pm

    It is so sad that people can be so tacky. My sister adopted. One nephew is hispanic and the other is AA and Hispanic. She is living a a small southern town and she catches drama ALLL the time. My sister is dark skinned and she constantly runs into adults who question her about being their mother. Her son, who is white skinned hispanic, was having surgery. The nurse came out to give the parents surgery updates. This rude woman all but refuse to update my sister because she did not believe my sister was his mother.

    My sister handles it in different ways. Sometimes she goes off and other times she walks away. There is no easy way to deal with it.

    As a foster mom myself of many hispanic children, I encounter the same things. I treat all of my children as if they came from my womb. Nothing is a irritating as you sitting there interacting with your child and someone makes a stupid comment. The more sad thing is…those could pass as your biological kids. I know a lot of AA (dark and brown skinned) women who have given birth to white complected children and endure the same treatment.

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