Happy Thanksgiving everyone..Well Happy Belated Thanksgiving.
Nothing much is going on, but EVERYTHING is going on. My sister has changed her mind about Illinois, and now has dediced to move to the Middle Tennessee area. For all of you who don’t know..that is the area in where I went to college. She is trying to coax me to go, but I haven’t given her my final answer yet.
Well, I know I may regret saying this (Especially if the wrong people read it, and use it against me) But I am REALLY NOT LOVING teaching..AT ALL!!!! I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO stressed out. I dread going there everyday.. Everyone says that is normal for your first year..I beg to differ!!!!! I get sick (literally) when I know I have to go there the next day. I can’t sleep at night !!!
You may ask why I am so stressed, or why do I feel this way….My students….Their behavior is out of control..and I am losing my mind trying to control it.. I am in survival mode ALL DAY…Anxiously waiting for 3:10pm to arrive so I am free to go home, but when the reality sets in at about 9:30-10pm that I actually have to go back to that dreadful place tomorrow. My head starts hurting, I can’t sleep. I start getting indigestion and acid reflux…..I have never felt this way about any job…LORD PLEASE HELP ME!!!! If anyone has any solutions I am open, because if things don’t change..and I mean change QUICKLY….I’m outtie !!!!! They are not your average normally disruptive kids..but they have serious ANGER MANGEMENT issues and think that everything has to be solved through violence.
They steal and I don’t mean every now and then..but all the time..From ME and from the other students…Just last Friday a group of girls in class came in with a BUNCH of supplies from the classroom, saying “Someone put this in my bookbag” Uh duh !!! You put it there!!!! They steal money, pencils, ANYTHING!!!…and guess what afer I gave my big speech on Friday about stealing and the consequences of stealing..my cellphone magically disappeared..I had to buy another one….UrGH!!!
These kids and my inability to deal with their behavior is very heartbreaking to me…My excitement and joy for wanting to teach has dwindled to a cry of sheer desperation..longing for a solution to the problem and hoping that it will end immediately…I CAN DREAM, CAN’ T I? I know that this is no the kind of problem that can be solved over night…The question is “Do I have the patience and desire to stick it out?” and if I do will it even get any better?-I hate to be so pessimistic, but I don’t have much hope that it will….SORRY for sounding so glum!
Some of the people who work at my school have suggested that I drink to cope with it..because that is what they do…..I wish I was kidding!!!
Now I know I may be writing my own demise..considering my principal(my boss), one of my students parents, or my coworkers could read this post, but I can’t help the way I feel. This blog is a place for me to vent my feelings(INCLUDING MY FRUSTRATIONS)…Please don’t take it the wrong way…I just need to vent!!!!!
It looks like I will yet again have to postpone my adoption plans….I wanted to begin in Jan 2006. But I have pushed it back to an indefinite date..Primarily because I need to be more stable…I owe that much to my future child…Not that I am not that far away from being stable..i just want to accomplish a few more goals before I bring home my little bundle of joy…….SIGH!!!! I’ll let you know what I decide to do in the future
BTW..How do you guys like the new layout (Hence the subject title,” How you like me now?”…..I am thinking about doing a custom layout, but right now I don’t feel like it