Well apparently my kids want a sister…. They gave me the thumbs up last night. (Hence the picture above) We (Me, B & D) had an interesting conversation yesterday about them having a sister…..They have no clue where babies come from. They think I can just make a call and have a caseworker (cw) drop one by our house….. (Which technically is the truth..but that is besides the point…lol) I think all foster kids think that babies come from cw’s that drop them off one day….
Which is kind of funny, but kind of sad at the same time….
But anywho..it got to thinking about my next adoption (which won’t be anytime soon by the way) and my preferences and options.
I am being a little more picky this time around because I am not so “in a hurry” to get a child.
ONE FEMALE CHILD ONLY
( I have 2 boys, and that’s about all my sanity can handle..LOL! And I don’t want to adopt a sibling group the next time around….it’s so much easier to focus on 1 NEW child at a time….)
AGE 12 MONTHS OR YOUNGER AT THE TIME OF PLACEMENT
(I know I said I didn’t want anymore infants because of sleep issues, but I have since changed my mind. After dealing with a child who has attachment “issues,” I want to reduce the chances of getting another child who also has these same issues.
D came at 13 months and did just fine – no issues. CT came at 6 months and had no issues either. So I am going by my own personal experience. Yes, I know there are no guarantees and there are infants that have attachment issues…But from what I have personally experienced, the younger the better…..even when it comes to ME personally bonding to the child….)
OPEN TO ALL RACES
NO KNOWN MAJOR HEALTH OR BEHAVIORAL ISSUES
(I will accept some minor issues, but it depends on what they are)
D MUST BE AT LEAST 4 Y/O (PREFERABLY 5 Y/O) BY THE TIME THE ADOPTION IS FINALIZED
(There are several reasons for this preference.
(1) If I wait until D is 4 or 5, he will be in FREE Pre-K or Kindergarten by then and B will be in K or 1st grade by then I will only have to pay for evening childcare for them and full time daycare for their sister.
(2) I am not ready to welcome in another child FULL TIME right now. I am listed as RESPITE ONLY now and I plan to stay that way until at least next summer…..if not longer….
(3) I am considering several job opportunities which may or may not involve me moving out of the state. I don’t want to start a homestudy and then have to pay for it to be updated or if I do move and decide to foster-adopt, I will have to be relicensed all over again anyway……
Of course, I had preferences before and I totally went against those preferences, so who knows what God has in store….
I thought about fostering and adopting again.
1. They pay for daycare while you are fostering.
2. I can get a child matching my exact preferences fairly quickly…Probably days after I call placement.
3. I can bond with the child prior to finalization.
4. It’s FREE!!!
5. I’ll most likely get a subsidy after adoption.
6. Free medical
7. Free college
8. WIC until age 5. Which means I won’t have to pay for formula or $4/gallon milk
1. I absolutely hate the constant goings and comings of CW.
2. Dealing with ignorant parents (I know all the kids parents aren’t hard to deal with, but if you’ve read my blog or my adoption.com postings, you will see that some are….)
3. ALWAYS the chance the child will be returned home or to family.
4. I know this isn’t probably a CON for most people, but the adoption may go too quickly. I cannot afford daycare if the child was to be available for adoption sooner than D turning 4 y/o. I know I can just not accept placement for a couple years, but I am not sure how long they will let me keep renewing my license without me taking in more kids….
I thought about domestic adoption
1. I can get placed with a child matching my exact preferences fairly quickly…especially being open to race.
2. Better chance I will know more about family medical history
3. Chances of attachment issues greater decreased, if not non-existent.
1. It’s expensive!!!!
2. Parents may decide to parent, causing me to lose money I don’t have to spare. I am EXTREMELY for people raising their own kids. But I am not rich by any stretch of the imagination and can’t afford to spare a dime.
3. I’m not comfortable with the whole “matching process” involved with domestic adoption by expectant parents. I prefer the agency to choose and I prefer to be matched with “already born” situations post TPR.
4. Although, I have had some dealings with open adoption. I prefer closed or semi-open in which I only send pics and updates. I wouldn’t mind visits when the child was older, but not as a young child.
My own personal experience is that it is way too confusing for the child when they are younger… I know that it has worked well for a lot of people, but it really confuses my oldest son…and no amount of explaining to “MY” 3 y/o will help him understand or keep him from raging. Maybe it’s because he was a toddler when he was adopted….I don’t know….but it was more than WE could handle initially…Let me just add that I am not “anti open adoption.” I just believe that it is not the best unless all parties of the triad..are in agreement….which wasn’t my case…..
But saying all that, most adoption agencies push for, if not insist on, open adoption now a days, and I don’t want to have to be forced into a long term relationship and to agree with terms that I may or may not be comfortable with until my child becomes an adult….I know that very fact alone would cause A LOT of parents to not choose me to adopt their child.
Lastly, I thought about international adoption.
If I adopted internationally it would be from Ethiopia, Jamaica, or Haiti. (Unless they close to singles, and then I would definitely be doing option 1 or 2, as Vietnam, Guatemala and several other countries that were once options are not currently options for single women or anyone for that matter)
Right now, as much as I love Haiti and want to adopt from there, Ethiopia is looking like the best choice as far as my preferences…Haiti adoptions are taking FOREVER and the child would probably be 2 or older by the time she got home….not what I want this time around…..and Jamaica is notoriously slow and the child is almost guaranteed to be older….So let’s just say IF it’s an international adoption it will be from Ethiopia, if I had to make a choice…..
1. I can adopt an infant female, my referral time will be longer, but that is not a problem for me.
2. Won’t have to deal regularly with not so cooperative parents and CW.
3. Get to travel to Ethiopia, I always wanted to go there.
4. Chances child will be returned to parents is minimal, if not non-existent.
1. It’s expensive!!!
2. Limited family history
3. Risk of undiagnosed medical problems post placement
Right now, I am weighing heavily towards Option 3 for my next adoption. I’m like 70% there….and about 30% foster care right now…..I would prefer not to have to deal with the uncertainty and the drama which is always present in foster care adoption……
We’ll see..It’s so far off right now, but I am doing my research…….Who knows we may be starting another process some time towards the end of next year…….