Well today I am officially 27 years, 6 months, and 20 days old and I am still (BIG GASP!!!) single….I have been thinking about this a lot lately…I don’t even have any prospects and I am really wondering WHY?
I’ve come up with a couple of theories and I am going to blog them out in a few posts….
This post we will discuss Theory 1: Reading the Cover
I am a pretty good judge of character and I have to say (without bragging) that discernment is one of my strongest gifts….and add to that fact that I am an observer by nature…. it doesn’t take me long to figure out what someone is all about..usually I can tell within 10 minutes or less what kind of person someone is…..Yes sometimes it does take me longer to tear down some people’s facade, but usually no more than a few weeks…I don’t have time to waste on someone who isn’t “marriage worthy?”
How is it, you say, can you tell what kind of person someone is within a few minutes…. Easy..contrary to popular belief most times you can tell what a book is about by it’s cover..
ok before you stone me..I don’t mean just by picking it up and looking at it…I mean by reading the cover..What does it say on the back, what kind of pictures are on the cover..How much does it cost? Is it cheap or expensive? Are there bright colors and big words or is it dull and lifeless with no color? Who is the author?
Well people are similar….You can tell a lot about someone by what they say and do and how they appear?
Case Study 1: Men frequently try to talk to me in my apartment complex…I’ll give you the example of one time in particular.
I was walking to my second story apartment carrying my two youngest boys, one on each hip and a bag on my back and my oldest was walking in front of me. This guy watched me the entire time and when I got to the base of my steps, he called to me and said: Hey come here?
He is standing all the way by the entrance of the apartment complex and I am at least 100 feet away carrying two 20+ lb. children and a bag that weighs at least 5 lbs and he wants me to come to him….yeah right (strike one)
I look at him rolled my eyes and kept going up the stairs, when he got a clue and realized that I wasn’t coming to him. He and his friend ran (stumbling the whole way) down to my apartment with beers in their hand.He said to me, as I am struggling up the stairs with the kids..”Hey ma, all dem your yo kids?”
I look back at him and said YEAH ALL 3 of them!!!
Well alright ma, can I come up and talk to you (Mind you I am still holding the 2 kids struggling up the stairs) I said no, I am about to feed my kids. He said, well let me come up and help you feed yo kids….
I said no, he went on to stammer out some other things I didn’t pay attention to (notice I said stammer because he was drunk with blood shot red eyes and breath that smelt like he had been drinking for hours)…..I continued to walk up the stairs and I made it to the top…He is still trying to talk to me, I am still struggling with the kids, and I finally just shut the door on him while he was talking)
Was I too harsh? No….let’s rewind…all of this happen in about 3-5 minutes……I can tell a lot about this man and it didn’t take me 6 months of dating to find out….
1) He drinks, apparently a lot..How do I know this?..he was drunk when he was talking to me and holding a beer….I don’t drink anymore and I don’t want anyone around my kids who drinks to the point where they aren’t making good sense when they try to speak to someone. Especially someone who is drinking in the middle of the afternoon and has apparently been drinking a while or drank a whole lot really quickly because he was drunk while trying to talk to me. Ok I’m reaching a little now….but why is he home in the middle of the afternoon drunk….Did you go to work today? Do you even have a job?
2)He is no gentlemen – How can I tell? The fact that he wanted me to walk all the way down to him while I am holding 2 kids and then when he walked up to me and still saw me struggling he didn’t offer to help me carry one (not that I would let him touch my babies), yet he was steadily trying to get into my house, although he doesn’t know me from a hole in the wall
3) He doesn’t have good moral character? Awww..Farrah, how can you say that?..Simple! The fact that he was drunk in the middle of the afternoon..what person with good character is drunk during the middle of the afternoon.
4) He doesn’t know how to talk to a lady? – How can you tell you only talked to him a few minutes – Well that’s all it took. – He didn’t even give me a proper greeting…..What kinda way is this to speak to a lady: Hey ma, all dem yo kids? That is no way to greet a young woman who you are trying to talk to with the hopes of dating.
Case study 2: I was at a stopped at a traffic light one day on my way to a Singles Event my church was having at a local restaurant.
This guy is steadily waving in the car next to me until he got my attention…..He said hey ma, you taken?
I said Yeah (I was referring to me being taken by Jesus)
He said that’s ok….I still wanna be yo friend..Can I be yo friend?
I said no, I’m taken…
He said that’s ok you can still be taken and be “my friend”
I said that’s ok and the light changed and I drove off…..
What have we learned by this case study:
1) He doesn’t respect boundaries: To me if you would be so bold as to continually cross the line by disrespecting the person I am taken by (obviously someone very dear to me, because I boldly let you know about him) and you are still trying to “be friends” with me. That let’s me know that you have no respect for what should be a simple boundary that should not be crossed.
2) He doesn’t have good character: Why would you want to interfere with the relationship of another person who repeatedly stated they were taken…That let’s me know that you don’t have any respect for the things I value and hold dear
3) He doesn’t have much respect for himself: The fact that you are willing to “share” someone else’s woman, let’s me know that you don’t think much of yourself.
Farrah how did you get all that from this little 30-45 second encounter… Well I’m glad that you asked…I read the cover!
I spend a lot of time reading (observing) people and the majority of the time I am right pretty accurate about what I initially think about most people….Don’t get me wrong, I have been wrong a few times, but honestly not much! You should try reading the cover too….Or maybe you shouldn’t then you won’t have a man (or woman) either….lol
Maybe I read the cover too much and this is why I don’t have a man, but I read it so thoroughly because I don’t want to end up with the wrong man..this has also caused me to put up a strong impenetratable wall around myself and that leads me to my next theory…..(To be discussed in later post…Tune in next week, same bat time, same bat channel…..)
Please feel free to leave your thoughts
Stay tuned for Theory 2: Penetrating the Fortress