Raising kids who come from trauma is HARD! I raise my kids a certain way for a very specific reason. It may seem mean or harsh to some, but until you have walked a million miles in my shoes AS ME, please don’t question the way I parent.
That being said (and this is a HUGE PET PEEVE of mine) Don’t feel sorry for my kids AT ALL! They live a charmed life that most kids will never experience. We live in a 6 bedroom house. They go to private school(Although, I will be pulling them out again to home school again very soon. They have had every kind of toy/game etc.. imaginable.They have traveled all over this country. But my kids would lead you to believe they have nothing and do nothing.
If they don’t have something or can’t do something it is because they have lost the privilege of having or doing something. I routinely round up toys, clothes, shoes, etc and I throw them away because I am only going to tell you so many times to put it where it belongs, before you lose it.
Their favorite song to sing is “My mama won’t let me do. My mama won’t let me have..”. Especially my youngest son who is a master of charm and manipulation. He seriously has the world fooled…
But they neglect to tell you why I won’t let them do or have…and just like that someone rides in to save the day from MEAN OLE MAMA!
With that being said, PLEASE don’t buy or give my kids ANYTHING (money, toys, gifts etc..) without consulting me first, including FOOD and especially candy. They will lead you to believe they are starving, when they frequently eat so much that they vomit.
Also, I ONLY buy my kids gifts on special occasions. They do not get toys, games, clothes year round. THIS WILL NOT CHANGE! Do not feel it is your right or obligation to give my kids anything, especially when I don’t. If I don’t it is probably for a VERY GOOD REASON. I do not believe in rewarding them for every little thing they do. Real life doesn’t work like that. Dear friends and loved ones PLEASE STOP IT! I know you mean well, but you really don’t understand the damage you are causing.
Additionally, I am not “Coddle Me Mommy”. I am “But Did You Die, ok no, Well get over it” mommy.
They routinely play the victim, fake illnesses and at times hurt themselves for attention. I will not feed into this insanity.
Besides that I am not very affectionate, I don’t see that ever changing..so just like I tell my kids.. You too America will have to GET OVER IT!
I encourage my children to be as independent as possible. I purposely allow them to have challenges they can’t accomplish in the moment. Just to challenge them to get better. They are EXTREMELY PROUD of themselves when they learn how to do it by themselves. I PURPOSELY do this because my sons especially my youngest has a way of convincing people he can’t do something, as a way of manipulating others into doing it for him. That bs does not work on me.
I know you mean well America, but traumatized kids are a different breed. My adoptive and foster parents understand. Most everyone else doesn’t.
I am by no means a perfect parent. I would say I am mediocre at best, but I have fought HARD to get my family to where it is. Most of you will never even know the half of my daily struggles. So please hear my heart and STOP FEELING SORRY FOR MY KIDS!