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The Anxious Child

I was reading this blog post just now. She was blogging about kids with RAD.  When I got to the part where she discussed different categories of children with RAD I couldn’t help but feel like she was talking exactly about Boogy when she got to the part about “The Anxious Children.”  Boogy has no “official” diagnosis, but I have felt that he fit in the Anxious Attachment category of RAD children a for a VERY LONG TIME!!!! Below is a description of “The  Anxious Children” (along with my side notes)

The Anxious Children

  • Tend to be overly clingy, showing extreme separation anxiety when separated from their mothers
    (Yep that’s Boogy…he has gotten better – as in at least he doesn’t sit outside the bathroom door screaming anymore when I go to use it, like he used to, – but he is definitely STILL overly clingy after 3 and 1/2 years. He got in trouble on THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL…His reasoning: I wanted my mom….. My reply: well hunny I’ve already been to Kindergarten and I don’t plan on going everyday for the duration of the school year. I know that may sound cruel,  and I was trying to be sarcastic when I said it, but I have learned a long time ago with B that the worst thing I could do is feed into his ‘clinginess’ NO I didn’t just drop him off and run for the hills -the pictures I took on the first day prove that, but I did not make a point to hang around for hours either, being a former teacher, I know how annoying that can be on the first day )
  • Incessantly chatters to control conversation
    (OMG!!! This child talks NON STOP and about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!! and he is ALWAYS trying to control the situation by talking REALLY REALLY LOUD and not allowing his brother to talk. His own best friend has told him on more than one occasion: Can you please be quiet, you talk WAY too much! -His best stinking  friend!!! I often go from saying hush, to be quiet and by the 60 minute mark  I am full out yelling SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! – I know it’s not nice, but I dare you to come listen to it all day and see if you don’t say SHUT UP and probably some other colorful words every now and again..)
  • Appear to be eager to please and are superficially compliant. – Keyword “superficially”
    (Others see him -outside of the loop- and think he’s a great kid, that he’s just like every other kid. “Yeah, all 5 year old’s are like that…” is common to hear- WHATEVER I BEG TO DIFFER)
  • Are often passive aggressive, constantly doing little things wrong, but never doing anything really bad, but frazzling the parents patience and control.
    (OMG….this statement couldn’t be more true!!!-He is very passive aggressive…He isn’t really openly defiant, he is more what I call “sneaky defiant”
  • Usually recover faster than those in the other categories (THANK YOU JESUS!!!)

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The above description describes B to the T. And after a very ummm  er Interesting first week of school, I am considering restarting him in therapy again.  He is acting out in school a lot. I didn’t really have this problem much last year with him. But I am now starting to suspect that he was doing the same things he is doing now and his teachers were covering for him because they knew I didn’t play that foolishness….Which is working against him now because a MAJOR part of the school’s discipline’s plan is getting kids to take responsibility for their actions so they will learn to self discipline (as in learn to control their own actions). Which means they don’t let much of anything slide  (Which I am ALL for because I don’t let ANYTHING slide either) One thing I also like is that the teacher always says that she forgives them after its all over, HOWEVER she still makes him take responsibility for his actions.


Boogy, ummm,  is not so good at taking responsibility for his actions, so he is REALLY STRUGGLING at the school that I love so much!!!! But this is one of the reasons why I love it so much..It’s challenging him to be a better person (spiritually and academically)…instead of letting him slide and HE CAN’T STAND IT! He says he doesn’t like his school because IT’S TOO HARD! Mind you it’s not the work that’s too hard…..They don’t even have report cards the first nine weeks..It’s ALL REVIEW and NO GRADING the first session…..(Did I tell you I love this school?!?!). But anyhoo….Can anyone else relate? How do you keep from going crazy and pulling all your hair out!!!

4 Comments

  1. Chasing Joy on September 3, 2010 at 11:01 pm

    Hi, I don’t have kids yet so I don’t have any advice on how to keep from going crazy. Maybe make sure you are getting enough quality time to yourself??? I just wanted to say that every post of yours is so inspirational. Thanks for sharing.

  2. ruth on September 25, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    Yea I have one of those! I dont let them say shut up, so I couldnt really say it either! I use, “CLOSE YOUR MOUTH”!!
    Im homeschooling so thankfully we didnt have as much of a transition period!!

  3. Nicole on July 31, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    Thank you for posting this! My nephew is the exact same way! He has an almost extreme clinginess to his mother. He almost never wants to be separated. And he is so concerned about where she is at all times. Thanks for the information!

  4. Anya on August 3, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    I have THREE of these kids! They all 3 want to talk at once and honestly sometimes I think that I might go crazy. I have tried bribing them with a cookie if they can be quiet for 30 minutes, and that works pretty well when I need a break. (I started with 5 minutes and we worked our way up from there!) Nice to know that there are other mothers out there like me!

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